When Coping Skills Don’t Work
I’ve been there. The place where anxiety is high, the heart is racing, breathing is rapid, and shoulders are tense. And what do I do? I try to breathe, I try to focus on my breath, and have a longer exhale. And what sometimes happens?
Nothing.
And it’s infuriating, scary, and a lonely place to be. The place where the skills that people have told you to try aren’t making any difference.
Here are some tips if you find yourself in this place too:
Try implementing coping skills during times when you feel okay: During the times that you need coping skills are when your symptoms are high and prevalent. But, for coping skills to be effective, it can be beneficial to implement them during times when your symptoms are minimal, too. Integrate deep breathing into part of your daily routine or engage with your 5 senses during breaks at work. Implementing them consistently can help your brain with “muscle memory” and implementing them during times of heightened symptoms.
Remember the goal: It’s okay to want to feel better and to not have any experience with mental illness symptoms. But, in the moments when the symptoms are heightened, there’s likely no coping skill that is going to take them from 100 to 0. Instead, you’ll hopefully feel a small, gradual decrease in the severity of the symptoms.
Keep doing them: You may do deep breathing, be okay for a second, and then the symptoms come right back. So do it again. And again. And again. It won’t be like this forever. If you are engaging in therapy, implementation of coping skills may be very frequent in the beginning, but, through processing with your therapist, the underlying contributing factors to your mental illness should get addressed and you won’t have to implement the reactionary coping skills as frequently.
Have a toolbox of several coping skills: Maybe today just isn’t the day for deep breathing, maybe you need to engage with your 5 senses instead. It’s not uncommon that people come across coping skills that they enjoy more and find more beneficial. Don’t get yourself stuck by only having one coping skill in mind. Keep a few in mind so that if one doesn’t work you can turn to another.
Write a letter to yourself: Are there things that you think of when you are feeling better that you wish you would do when your symptoms are strong? If so, take time to write a letter to yourself and have it in a format and/or place where you can easily access it. So, when the symptoms strike again and rational thinking isn’t too strong, read the letter and it can help you remember.
Mental illness is hard. If you are finding that your coping skills aren’t helping as much as you want them to, give these tips a try. If you continue to struggle, please, reach out to a therapist, we are here to help you!
