It May Still Hurt

Getting better, in many contexts, comes with certain expectations. In hobbies, we expect to become more skilled, complete tasks with more ease, and be able to increase the difficulty of what we are doing. In health, we expect to feel better, have fewer aches and pains, and be able to be more active.

When it comes to our emotional health and mental health, I was surprised by some of the outcomes as I got better.

Because things hurt. They hurt worse when I was healthier than when I was stuck in patterns of suppression and avoidance.

This can be incredibly defeating for people I work with in therapy. And I get it. People come to therapy to feel better and 99 times out of 100, I make things hurt significantly worse before I help you feel better. And I don’t love that I do that, I’m often hanging on the edge of my seat waiting until we can take the upswing in feeling better because I know that’s what my clients want. But, I know it’s necessary to face the full spectrum of our emotional experience, and often that means facing the pain, hurt, grief, heartbreak, and more before we lean into the joy, happiness, and goodness.

I will say, that an aspect of emotions that has positively increased is the amount of peace I feel, through any emotion. I still don’t necessarily love feeling grief, anger, or sadness. But, I know I need to feel it, I know the value there, and I can work through that emotion to understand why I’m feeling it. So I’m much more at ease with my emotional fluctuation than I’ve ever been.

As a recovering unhealthy perfectionist, I know that the more painful emotions showing up more poignantly took me by surprise in my emotional healing journey. I felt like I was perhaps not doing something right. But that’s far from the case. If you find yourself in a similar boat, know that you are far from doing things wrong. This is one of the greatest signifiers that you are on the right path in your emotional health.