A Seat at Your Table

After the birth of my son, I had experiences with some pretty wicked postpartum anxiety throughout the first year. There were several months where at least once a month I would fall into such an anxious spiral that I’d physically get sick, likely anxiety-induced gastritis. It was miserable and so as soon as I was able to I got back into therapy.

My therapist helped me discover the root of my anxiety which allowed me to properly address it when it arose, and along the way, she also gave me several valuable coping skills that have stuck with me.

One of them is to remember to only allow my emotions a seat at the table, nothing more.

At the height of my postpartum anxiety majority of my day revolved around managing my anxiety. I needed to do certain coping skills, I needed to avoid certain things, and I needed to manage my thoughts as best as I could. And my therapist told me I was giving it too much power.

At first, I was mad that she said this. I was told I was supposed to name emotions, and wasn’t that what I was doing? Didn’t we have to name our emotions to be able to work through them? And wasn’t my physical reactions a telling sign I wasn’t sitting with my anxiety enough?

But no. This wasn’t what I was doing. Instead, I was giving my anxiety all the power and control. I was letting it sit at the head of the table versus myself. I was giving my anxiety far too much say. And by doing so I was stuck and making myself physically sick.

For me, I like the visual of the table and I lean into it often. So, when I feel something that begins to become all-consuming, I visualize myself at the head of the table, setting that emotion in its chair at the table. I listen to it, I hear what it has to say, but I remain the one in control and the one calling the shots.

So, give it a try. Still, name your emotions, and sit with them. But, don’t let them run the table. You have that spot. You have the final say in calling the shots, not your emotions.