Motherhood Becoming

The other day, I came across a quote that stopped me in my tracks. I saved it and have read it numerous times since that initial encounter. Here’s the selection:

“The most difficult part of birth is the first year afterwards. It is the year of travail-when the soul of a woman must birth the mother inside her. The emotional labour pains of becoming a mother are far greater than the physical pangs of birth; these are the growing surges of your heart as it pushes out selfishness and fear and makes room for sacrifice and love. It is a private and silent birth of the soul, but it is no less holy than the event of childbirth, perhaps it is even more sacred.” -Joy Kusek

I had my first child a little over a year and a half ago. And I don’t know that I have seen something so accurately and beautifully capture the beginning of motherhood. This past year and a half’s emotional roller coaster has been unlike any other year of my life. Throughout it all was an undercurrent of complete adoration and love for this tiny human that has, in numerous ways, wrecked my life.

My son was the final fuel for the fire that led me to leave my full-time job and start my private practice, it has caused my husband and me to have numerous open, honest, and challenging conversations as so much of our lives have changed, and I have learned to navigate my days with a constant pair of tiny baby blue eyes watching my every move.

Much of this growth was behind closed doors to almost everyone. My husband, therapist, best friend, and son were the main audience throughout this experience.

But I would never trade it for the world, because as the quote says “but it is no less holy than the event of childbirth, perhaps it is even more sacred.”

I have moments where I’ve come across pictures or writings from myself before my son came into my life. It’s abundantly clear in these moments that Kylie was likely doing the best she could, but I am so thankful for what my best is now and the multitude of growth I encountered to get here.

My life is an abundance of slowing down, saying no, and creating sacred space to be present in the moment. In many ways, my life is the exact opposite of what it was before my son, but I have known no truer, genuine, and enjoyable life as I do now.

We often revere and awe at the growth of our children, especially in the first years. As you do this, may you also leave space for your own growth and becomming, as it, too, is equally beautiful and worthy of awe.